The revolutionary act of self-loving: Pt2

The biggest transformation in my life happened when I stopped trying to fix myself and instead focused on changing my relationship with the world around me. So I wrote the part1 of this post about the social reasons and pressures that lead us to un-love ourselves.

Looking back, I never truly didn’t love myself. I always wanted to grow, to heal. I just wasn’t very good at self-love. I was a bit like an overbearing parent, trying to impose rigid ideas of happiness, only to push their child further away.

In the same way, I kept forcing myself to be a certain way, and failing. What I really needed was the chance to define my life on my own terms, even if I stumbled along the way. Over time, I realised that being love-worthy is my birthright, no matter what I’ve been through and who I have become as a result.

I started prioritising feeling good! I felt deserved it!

As Adrienne Maree Brown wrote:

“Feeling good is not frivolous, it is a measure of freedom—not just the physical freedom of the body to pursue pleasure, but also the mental, emotional, and spiritual freedom to feel content, happy, and present in our brief and potent lives.”

One of the most profound ways I reclaimed that freedom was through my body. After years of dissociation and trauma, I was completely disconnected from it. I started with yoga, then discovered eco-somatics, and slowly realised that to connect with my body is to connect with myself, in a non-judgmental, loving way.

One of the most important shifts that happened as I became more embodied was how I viewed my body. Instead of seeing it as a pile of flesh to be used and exhausted for work and productivity, I began to recognise it as a living, sensing, and feeling part of myself.

I learned to honour and cherish my body as if it was my lover. My true friend.

And rightly so, because the body is the seat of pleasure. Not just physical pleasure, but the pleasure of swimming in the warm sea, eating juicy fruit, or inhaling the scent of blooming flowers.

As I slowed down and paid attention to pleasure, my nervous system softened. My capacity to feel good in the present moment expanded. I let go of the relentless need to produce and achieve. TO BE BETTER.

The more I followed pleasure, the more I felt worthy of receiving it. And at times, that realisation made me angry. Angry at how my conditioning had denied me all the joy I lost out on. But that anger was fuel. It helped me stand up for myself.

And yes, there was grief too. I grieved for all the past hurts and injustices. It wasn’t fair.

I deserved to feel loved and happy.

Even my body image started to shift. I no longer saw my body as something to be judged by others. It became a whole realm of experience, a source of pleasure, a part of me I wanted to nourish, not deprive.

I still have many, many layers to shed. All of the conditioning that shaped how I experienced the world. Instead I want to uncover my own values. Define my own ideas of who I want to be. And just as importantly, I want to shape a world around me that allows me to thrive.

I deserve to feel good and I demand a world where I can!

I know this isn’t a step-by-step guide. I have no self-love affirmations for you. No bubble bath recipes. Instead, I ask you to claim your right to feel good.

Little by little.

Let me know what you think.

(BTW - Bubble baths are great 😎)

With love,

Aleksandra x