The harder you work on yourself, the more stuck you feel

Why burnout and disconnection is not a "head" problem

What I see consistently in the people I work with is this:they want relief, and so they try to resolve, fix, or biohack their way out of what they’re feeling. And somehow, not that much changes. That’s because they’re trying to think their way out of problems that have their roots in the body.

We grow up in a culture built on productivity and conformity. One that teaches us to override the body’s signals, push past our limits, people-please, and slowly neglect our own needs, desires, and vitality. Over time, we lose our agency, and eventually, our sense of self. For many, this is compounded by a deep feeling of unsafety and years of living in survival mode.

The solution isn’t to push harder for answers. It’s to restore safety, trust, and the relationship with your body that was lost along the way. This is the essence of embodied work.

What is this embodiment thing?

Embodiment has its roots in phenomenological philosophy: the study of how humans experience the world. At its core, it describes a shift from having a body to being a body. Rather than treating the mind and body as separate (the Cartesian split that still quietly shapes much of Western medicine and psychology), embodiment recognises them as one unified system.

In practice, this means experiencing and perceiving the world from within the body by being attuned to its sensations, signals, and inner states. In positive psychology, positive embodiment is defined as a felt sense of comfort and connection with the body, attuned self-care, and bodily agency.

Research consistently links low embodiment with increased psychological distress (Lundh & Foster, 2024), including anxiety, depression, burnout, disordered eating, and a diminished sense of self. When we lose access to the body’s signals, we also lose access to our own wisdom, boundaries, desires, and capacity for genuine self-care.

What are the outcomes of embodiment work?

For the longest time I struggled to express what exactly happens when we reconnect with the body. I could sense big shifts happening in myself and in the people I work wit, such as increased self-love or confidence, but I couldn’t quite give it a clear shape, let alone tangible proof. Luckily, in recent years positive embodiment has received much attention in positive psychology and body image research. So here is what becomes available when the body is no longer something to manage, but something to inhabit:

• Self-compassion and reduced self-criticism — A respectful relationship with your body naturally disrupts the harsh internal dialogue. You begin to treat yourself with the kindness you’d extend to others.

• Body connection and comfort — A genuine sense of comfort, safety, and joy in your own skin. Feeling at home in your body rather than alienated from it.

• Improved self-esteem and body image — Embodiment makes you less vulnerable to measuring your worth against external standards, living in your body as your own experience rather than an object to be judged.

• Self-confidence and agency — Recognising and honouring the body’s wisdom, capabilities, and strengths. Feeling that your movements and choices belong to you, with the resilience to meet stress or fatigue without losing ground.

• Attuned self-care — Sensing what you actually need and responding with care, rather than following rigid rules.

• Clearer boundaries — When you can feel your own limits, you can honour them. Embodiment means recognising where you end and others begin, as a natural expression of self-respect.

• Connection to your desires — Feeling entitled to your own physical, relational, expressive, and sexual desires. Reclaiming your body’s signals as valid, not something to suppress or earn.

• Overall life satisfaction and quality of life

(Linardon, 2024; Sundgot-Borgen et al., 2021; Tylka & Piran, 2019)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?list=PLCPYxNs03xDah-mGCqkIGmOp5MGz6ti4s&v=9_JHykyPh5U

So how do we get there?

In embodiment work, we first restore the sense of safety in the body, which may have been lost to trauma, dissociation, or chronic stress, and then gradually reconnect with the body as an intelligent system. A deep part of ourselves.

Instead of working through the head, talking about old stories, trying to cope better, or working harder on yourself, we work directly with sensations, emotions, and the signals of the body. As you learn to recognise and trust these signals, deeper patterns begin to shift and your inner compass becomes clearer. Gradually, life begins to reorganise around what truly nourishes you.

In practice, this often looks quieter than people expect. Small moments of coming back to yourself, that over time add up to something profound.

This unfolds in what I call The Process of Embodied Change which is a body-led path of deep, sustainable transformation. Over time, people often move through several interconnected stages:

• Restoring Safety: This is the foundation of this work which is about rediscovering the body as a place where you can land and feel supported

• Feeling & Releasing: Allowing held tension and stuck emotions to move, so that we can tune in to the voice and wisdom of the body

• Rooting into Self-Trust: Beginning to recognise and follow the truth of your body rather than old conditioning

• Living from Within: Learning to make choices guided by your inner signals instead of pressure, urgency, or expectation

• Belonging: The last step of this process is about opening up to life and expanding the connection with yourself towards the wider web of life.

Through this work, many people begin to experience a renewed sense of safety and vitality in their nervous system. Old patterns that once felt automatic start to soften, and the body gradually becomes a place of inner wisdom rather than tension or confusion.

A question for you

I’m curious, has there been a moment recently where you paused, even briefly, and actually listened to what you needed? Maybe you chose rest over pushing through, or noticed a tension in your body before your mind caught up. Or perhaps the opposite a moment where you overrode yourself and felt it afterwards.

What are you experiences of embodiment and its effects?

I’d love to hear it in the comments.

Alexandra x

References

Linardon, J., Moffitt, R., Anderson, C., & Tylka, T. L. (2024). Testing for longitudinal bidirectional associations between self-compassion, self-criticism, and positive body image components. Body Image, 49, 101722.

​Lundh, L. G., & Foster, L. (2024). Embodiment as a synthesis of having a body and being a body, and its role in self-identity and mental health. New Ideas in Psychology, 74, 101083.

Munroe, M. (2022). Positive embodiment for wellbeing researchers and practitioners: A narrative review of emerging constructs, measurement tools, implications, and future directions. International Journal of Wellbeing, 12(2).

Sundgot-Borgen, C., Stenling, A., Rosenvinge, J. H., Pettersen, G., Friborg, O., Sundgot-Borgen, J., ... & Bratland-Sanda, S. (2020). The Norwegian healthy body image intervention promotes positive embodiment through improved self-esteem. Body Image, 35, 84-95.

T.L. Tylka, N. Piran (Eds.), Handbook of positive body image and embodiment, Oxford University Press, New York, NY (2019), pp. 11-21