The good woman trap

What if I told you that the shoulds, shouldn'ts, musts and can'ts decide how big your life gets to be?

"I should be grateful."

"I shouldn't speak up."

"I must keep everyone happy."

"I can't ask for that."

It feels like being decent. In reality it's the prison that keeps you small. You learned these young, because being good got you what you needed to survive - a high price to pay for love and belonging.

• The shoulds govern your behaviour — obligations you never chose.

• The shouldn'ts govern your expression — what's safe to feel, need or say out loud.

• The musts are the conditions of your worth — meet them and you're a good woman.

• The can'ts decide what's off the table. They arrive as facts, so you never think to argue.
  

What it costs you: your desire. You've been good for so long that when someone asks what you want, you say "oh, I don't mind."

Liked by everyone, known by nobody, and quietly burning out.

What happens when you put them down: you want things again. Loudly, greedily, without checking whether you're allowed. You say no without a reason and yes without earning it. You take up room. Your body comes back alive, and with it your appetite, your humour, your sensuality.

In 45 minutes you'll:

• Find the sentence that's keeping you where you are, and whose voice it's in

• Feel where it lives in your body, because that's why understanding it hasn't been enough

• Leave knowing what becomes possible once it loosens
  

Your host:

Dr. Aleksandra Wruk, is a somatic facilitator with PhD in mental wellbeing.

I stayed years too long in a job that was eating me alive, because on paper it was the dream - the one I should be grateful for. It was never about the job. It was about how little I'd let myself want.

Join me on Wed 16 September · 7pm UK · Live on Zoom · Replay for 48 hours